Somewhere along the line, women, society, feminists, anarchists, someone decided that girls no longer needed to learn social skills. For generations, a girl’s education, though somewhat limited, included important ancillary learning such as appropriate conversation, polite and necessary listening and even the simple art of walking. When the rules disappeared, so too did the confidence of many young women. Most of us believed it was our right to step up to the line of masculinity, drinking to drunkenness, partying without boundaries and even tossing our dignity into the closet when “hook ups” became the norm.
TODAY, we toss those bad habits aside and embrace the lost art of GRACE. I have enlisted my very favorite 21st Century manners expert, Patricia Rossi, to assist with the formalities. Patricia is the nationally syndicated manners correspondent for >NBC’s “Daytime.” Unlike some manner’s experts, she believes in “kindness, not formality; relationships, not rules.”
“Good manners and etiquette are important everywhere in the real world. They come into play everyday, in every way. Business meetings and banquets, sidewalks and social gatherings, graduations and grocery check-out lines. There is not an instance where decorum and kindness don’t make a significant difference,” she says.
What I hope to emphasize is the incredible amount of confidence that comes from practicing proper etiquette and manners. With the holidays in full swing, I asked Patricia to provide some guidance on the season. Is it important to bring a gift when invited to a party hosted by a friend?
She says an emphatic “Yes!” And, suggests a candle or CD. “If you bring wine tell them it’s for them to enjoy at another time.”
What is cocktail attire? Patricia says it depends on the region. Ever hear of “California Cocktail Attire?” Because it tends to be so warm on the west coast, partygoers can wear more comfortable dresses instead of the typical dressy knee-length attire.
If you’re invited to a delicious Christmas dinner with your new boyfriend’s family and turkey or ham is not part of your vegan diet, simply call to let the host know. According to Patricia, “They want to take care of you.”
Here’s the hard part – drinking. There are probably few things that upset a woman’s self-esteem more than a night of drinking when inhibitions are lost and nothing seems important anymore except FUN! Patricia says watch what you drink, “One drink, maybe two, that’s it.” So, drink slow and EAT! The food at holiday parties is DELISH!
And, if you stick to the two drink minimum, the next manner’s tip should be easy – don’t overstay your invite. If you meet someone and you’re really hitting it off, go for a late night/early morning dinner or politely tell the man you had a wonderful evening and would love to see him again. If he asks if he can drive you home, say no. Trust me, it only goes downhill from there…trying to extend the evening is a fairytale. If you’ve caught his attention, he will call.
Lastly, what do you do when you walk into a party and your ex is there with the woman who stole him from you three months earlier?
“Shine by being poised kind relaxed. Excellence is the best revenge,” says Patricia.
Feeling confident already? Now go out there, bring your manners and your self-assurance will grow. People love to be around others who are comfortable in their skin. Building your self-confidence is the best reason to practice proper social skills.
written by Kathy Scott, follow Kathy on Twitter @1000girlfriends
