There is no doubt that parenting is one of the toughest jobs out there, and with so many different methods for raising kids it’s tough to know what’s best. While it may seem intuitive, having a plan for how to speak to your children about certain subjects can help navigate those uncertain waters, especially when it comes to challenging subjects, successes and failures and even everyday interactions. Choosing your words wisely can make all the difference for raising strong, independent children into successful and confident adults. Here’s a look at 7 things you should never say to your children and some simple alternatives that just may do the trick.
- You’re OK – When our kids fall and scrape their knees, our instinct tells us to immediately respond with “you’re OK” in order to downplay the emotions. Rather than telling your child he or she is OK, remember they’re actually not – they want to be comforted. Offer a bandage, some ice or a hug instead.
- Leave Me Alone! – Of course all parents need some time alone here and there; you’d go stir crazy without time to yourself. However changing the tone helps with making your alone time a positive experience all around. Try explaining – “I have three more things to finish this morning and then we can sit down and read a book. I need you to play with your toys until I am ready.”
- I Have to Go on a Diet – Teaching your child is about making healthy choices is very important, but explaining that you’re eating healthy and exercising because it makes you feel great is a much better solution than showing them that you’re down on yourself or your weight.
- Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Sister (or Brother) – Helping your child develop to become an independent individual means also letting them let their own identity blossom and shine through. Negative comparisons set up competition between siblings and make your children feel pressure to be someone they aren’t.
- Do You Want Something to Cry About? – Disciplining your children through empty threats is typically pretty unsuccessful. When your child is misbehaving or having a tantrum, try using a calming time out or redirecting the bad energy to something more constructive like getting some fresh air or spending some time with a book.
- Good Girl (or Boy) – Think carefully before using this phrase or something similar too often. While it’s essential that we give our children affirmation, they should also be able to depend on his or her own internal drive. Rather than a broad affirmation, try being more specific – “Nice job on your homework today. I like how you sat down, focused and got it all done before dinner.”
- I Know You Can Try Harder – While we all want our kids to do their absolute best, all of the time, making your expectations clear from the beginning will help them to meet those goals. Try offering something motivating: “When you finish all your reading for today, you can go outside to play for an hour.”
Do you ever wonder if you’re making the right decisions as a parent and if there are better ways you could be talking to your children? Got any tips for what works well for you?
