In need of some dating insight? Nikki Novo is back on the blog today to shed some light on the dating process. If you’re in the dating pool and striking out more often than you care to admit, the self-help author has some expert guidance for you. Her recently published book, “Will I Be Alone Forever?” focuses exactly on this topic. And though it covers the basics, I think you’ll find that Nikki delves a little deeper to shed light on some issues we may not even be aware of. Trust me, you want to read ahead.
3 Ways to Make the Dating Process Fun
by Nikki Novo
If you’ve been in the dating pool for too long, you know the entire process can get real old, real fast. First, let’s talk about why we put ourselves through the torture any way. No, it’s not punishment for the fact you broke that boy’s heart in middle school. And no, it’s not a means to an end. Meaning, we don’t only do this to get married.
Growth is the real reason the universe gives us the relationships we have and will have. The point is to grow together — to grow towards our natural state of being. People do not come our way to piss us off or push our buttons. And boyfriends don’t come our way to save us from our misery.
Now that you understand why we actually subject ourselves to relationships, and which relationship is the most important (the relationship with yourself!), you might be able to enjoy the dating process. Gasp! Yes, I said it. Dating can be fun. And here are three things you can do to enjoy dating.
- Learn to Enjoy People
Not every guy that tries to strike up a conversation with you is going to be dating material. He may be wearing a tacky shirt, and he may throw some vomit-inducing line your way. I get it. Gross. But do we have to be rude?
Tacky guy is doing his best to pay you a compliment in the only way he knows how — by being himself. If you’re not genuinely busy at the moment, why not give him a listen? I’m not saying that by talking to him, he’s going to turn into your next date. But by engaging in a conversation, the focus of living solely with the intention of finding a potential boyfriend is lessened. Instantly, your vibe transforms from one that is desperate to lock in a date to one that feels more like, “I enjoy my life, because I am awesome and so is the world I live in.”
When you make the decision to talk to people simply because you enjoy people, your reason for going out isn’t all about finding a guy you can date. If the success of a night out depends on whether or not you gave out your number, chances are you’re going to be disappointed a lot. This is when “being single” becomes a drag — when every outing becomes about meeting a dating candidate. And again, that vibe is not going to attract what you’re looking for. Go out with a different intention: to enjoy people and your life.
- Listen
One of the easiest ways to enjoy people and your surroundings is by listening. If you truly listen to tacky shirt guy, you may learn something about people. You may learn that he feels the need to wear the clothes and say the lines because he thinks he needs those things to be loved. And all he really wants is love. Just like you! And then you can feel compassion for him. Just like that, you too feel more understood. That night becomes a success because you made a genuine connection. The fact that you have no interest in seeing him again is not important.
- Stay in Your Lane
Picture this: you’re driving down the street and you notice that the lane next to you is going super fast. Naturally, you get obsessed with the lane next to you and how it seems to be moving along while you’re stuck in traffic. At this point, you’ve become so consumed with what’s going on next to you and how you can jump in there that you forget to look at your own lane. Because you’ve neglected your lane, you eventually crash into the car in front of you. Now, you’ve caused an accident. And now, it’s going to take way longer to get to your destination than if you would have just kept your eyes on your own lane.
This is a metaphor for what happens to us when we become obsessed with comparing ourselves to others. By doing this, we are placing ourselves in a state of lack. All we see is what we are missing. What we focus on is what we get. If you’re focusing on the lack, then you’re life seems to be missing a lot of good. And that’s just a sad way to live. Imagine if you could focus on the good. What would your life look like?
And rather than spending that time and energy on your friends, your co-worker, or the cover girl on the gossip magazine, what about spending those resources on yourself? Let’s be honest: are you wasting precious energy on comparing yourself to others? What can you do with that time to make the process more enjoyable? It’s your choice — and that’s where the power remains.
To learn more about making the most of the dating process, check out Nikki Novo’s book “Will I Be Alone Forever?”
To follow Nikki Novo and keep up-to-date with her latest advice, follow her on Instagram (@nikkinovo), Facebook (/NikkiNovo), Twitter (@nikkinovo), or YouTube (Nikki Novo).
