Do you categorize yourself as a people pleaser? Do others say you’re a people pleaser? It’s incredibly easy to fall into the role of people pleasing – and while it might feel great to be sure everyone likes you, being the person to please everyone can become very exhausting. When you start putting everyone’s needs before your own, you quickly find yourself feeling resentful, tired, and unhappy. So how do you stop the cycle, but continue to be a good mother, friend, partner, sibling, father, etc? Here’s a look at how to quit people pleasing and put yourself first.
How to Quit People Pleasing
Remind yourself of the power of the word “No”. It’s OK to say no and you should never feel like saying no isn’t your choice – it absolutely is. Practice saying no to small things and eventually work your way up to saying no to larger projects and undertakings. Practice using the phrase, “Let me think about it.” And, when you do think about it, truly, deeply consider all the ramifications that come with taking on another project or favor and decide if it’s something you want to take on. If it’s not, put your practice of saying ‘no’ into play. Be very clear about the type of help you can provide. If you want to be part of something but in a partial capacity, be honest about that. Perhaps you can offer to help out for a certain amount of time or on a certain day. Put guidelines around what you can provide – and be clear to offer your help only in ways that actually work for you, your schedule and your level of interest. Evaluate your circle of friends and connections. Rather than feeling as though you have to help where and when you don’t want to, take a look at the people you interact with. Are there toxic people in your circle? Are there people bringing you down who also asks repeated favors of you? Can you phase those people out and focus your energy, love and attention on the people who bring you positive energy. Don’t apologize. You have to focus on you and that is OK. Rather than apologizing on repeat remind yourself that your own time, your own well-being, and your own life-balance has very high value. You have every right to focus on YOU. Never let anyone make you feel like you have to apologize for that. What do you think? Can you put some of your people pleasing ways to the side by putting some of these ideas into action?
