Do you ever find yourself apologizing when you really shouldn’t have to? Or better yet, when you don’t whole heartedly mean it? Apologizing tends to be something we do, not just when we’re truly, truly sorry for a mistake, but also when we’ve inconvenienced someone else or we feel like we’re overstepping the idea bank. You know what I mean? It happens often at work – you see something that could be better and rather than simply being confident in the idea or change you’ve raise – you find yourself apologizing for the extra steps it creates or the possibility of offending the creator of the project. When in fact, you’re just doing your job to the best of your ability. Over apologizing happens all the time – when it shouldn’t. It’s also something women do way too often. In moments when you shouldn’t feel badly about changing plans or pushing forth with an idea. So how do you stop that process in its tracks and save the apologizing for when it really matters? Here are a few tips for how to stop apologizing and start living.
Stop undermining your own intelligence. You’re your own worst culprit when it comes to this. Rather than simply bringing an idea to the table – you start with “sorry to bother you” or “I’m no expert,” when in fact – you are the expert and you should be your own best advocate. Before firing off emails or requesting meetings with your boss that showcase your lack of confidence, turn the tables – on yourself. Think strategically about how to frame your suggestion with qualifiers that showcase your proficiency, “I have done some research and….” or “I took a look at what our competitors are doing and…” or best yet, “my recommendation is ……” – essentially, have faith in yourself.
You’re exchanging moments of should-be praise for self-deprecation. Why? That’s a question we all ask ourselves – why can’t I just be proud and excited for what I just accomplished. This happens a lot when we take on a new and challenging hobby – let’s use running for an example. You’re finally a runner – you’ve been out there one foot after the other for quite a while now – and you feel confident enough to join a running group. But on that first day, you’re in the back of the pack – bringing up the rear – and a veteran of the group comes back to stick with you. You’re go-to defense – to apologize repeatedly for your slow speed. From her perspective, you’re out there for the first time, kicking butt – so you should be thinking in those terms too. You’re out there, you’re amazing, you’re tackling this brand new challenge. How about a pat on the back?
You’re not being totally honest with yourself. Let’s say you find yourself apologizing for skipping a party or not joining the girls for a shopping marathon because you just didn’t feel like it or you wanted to spend the day relishing in some alone time. When you’re asked about it, you go on and on apologizing with a hundred excuses for why you can’t be there. But, honestly – you’re not sorry. You really didn’t feel like going. You know what they say – honesty is the best policy. And, it applies even in situations just like this. Rather than “I’m so sorry, I wish I could make it,” how about: “I am going to have to miss the party, I need some time to relax tonight.” Why not, right? Everyone appreciates honesty and you’ll feel better too.
How about you? Do you find yourself over-apologizing rather than just living the colorful and authentic life you want to live? Can you use some of these tactics to change the course of your interactions?
