There are some pretty tough things that happen in romantic relationships sometimes. Physical illness, mental illness, challenges with children, financial struggles, religious differences – just to name a few. But, by far, one of the toughest to bounce back from is infidelity. Cheating in a relationship brings up a whole heap of self-confidence, trust and even body issues than can be nearly impossible to dig your way out of. But sometimes a relationship is worth saving – despite the wavering commitment to monogamy or even the endless questions that form when one party has been unfaithful. Believe it or not, there are loads of couples who bounce back from cheating – and actually come out stronger and with a more honest sense of love. Whether your relationship is new or one that has withstood the test of time, cheating can throw you for a loop – but there are ways to come back and feel really good about it.
Take big, deep breaths before speaking. Be thoughtful and careful in your selection of words – blaming one another on repeat isn’t going to help the healing process, but rather will merely create more of a divide, build angst and in the end – result in unresolved feelings of resentment. Speak the way you would want to be spoken to when it comes to sharing how you feel – compassion and understanding will follow.
Have someone mediate discussions – and that means a third party. From a really close mutual friend to a therapist or relationship counselor, having someone mediate your discussions is essential to coming out the other side feeling whole and recovered. You’ll each need the opportunity to say what’s on your mind, why you’re hurt or why the infidelity occurred – and often times that can get pretty heated. One party will be hurt, confused and feeling like the victim, while the other will be on the defense or perhaps feeling guilty and sad. A third party can help give everyone the opportunity to speak and unload and can also help bring things back to a place of love and understanding.
Look deep within yourself to know exactly what you’ll need from your partner to either return to the relationship or get that trust back that was lost. Trust is really the foundation of any solid relationship and building that back up means a give and take from both parties. You’re there to love and support one another – you’re a duo, a team – and you both need to know that your needs will be met and that when the going gets tough, you can rely on each other.
Speak the truth. Nothing will get accomplished without getting it all out on the table. No matter which role you played in the process, both sides of the relationship will have feelings and things that need to be said. The recovery process is the time to get it all out, even the things you’ve held back for long periods of time – no more allowing things to weigh on your mind. Communication is now the name of the game.
Forgiveness. No relationship can move on from infidelity successfully without forgiveness – it’s the key and the core to rebuilding what was broken. True forgiveness is a powerful tool, but will only work when you actually let go of all the emotional baggage weighing you down. When and if you really can find forgiveness in your heart, you’ll be ready to start creating the next chapter of your lives together.
Have you ever experienced infidelity? Were you able to forgive and rebuild?
