Have you ever been at a party or out at a restaurant and you scan the room? You look around and feel like everyone is happier than you – like their relationships are romantic and, just better? You start thinking about all the flaws in your own relationship, which turns into a critical list of your partner’s flaws – the things that irritate you a little bit to the habits that nearly churn your stomach. Before you know it, you’re picking apart every aspect of your relationship, focused entirely on what you don’t like and comparing yourself to all of the strangers in the room. It happens. At some point or another, we all look around and compare ourselves to others, letting what works for them manifest into a critical dissection of our own love and relationship. Why do we do that? What makes it spiral out of control?
Here’s the thing: the grass is always greener. Turns out all other couples have their moments of frustration. They all have habits that annoy one another and they all have their own style of love. But happy couples have a common denominator – they can look past it all for love. So where do you fall on the relationship spectrum? Are you happy? When you look around that room and compare – are you just having a down moment or is it time to move on? Here’s a few questions to ask yourself (and your partner) today.
#1. Do you trust one another? Probably the most important aspect and the core to any successful relationship is trust. Without trust a whole heap of other negative emotions find a way to sneak in – doubt, resentfulness, a lack of forgiveness – trust is a foundation that helps keep a relationship growing and whole.
#2. Are you genuinely thoughtful and good to one another? Without kindness a relationship is frustrating and often times can bring you down. When you love and are in love, being kind to one another comes naturally – and should be something you want to do. Is it a challenge to be kind to your partner or is it something you love to do each day?
#3. Are you comfortable with the idiosyncrasies that make each one of you, you? We all have annoying habits, but can you live with the differences you share with your partner? Does his lack of making the bed each morning put you into a total funk or does her over the top cleaning schedule drive you mad? Accepting these differences is all part of the compromise – can you do it?
#4. Are you able to forgive and apologize when you say or do hurtful things? Sometimes forgiveness is the hardest act out there, but it’s also the ultimate sign of trust and true love. Do you have forgiveness in your heart and are you able to repair the hurt and move on after a significant argument? Happy couples do fight – it happens to everyone – but they want to repair and grow from these experiences.
#5. Are you best friends? The basis of any lasting romantic relationship is friendship too. You’re teammates, navigating the world together and friendship and admiration for one another gets you through. You’re lovers, but you also enjoy just hanging out, talking about life and generally being around one another.
So where do you stand? Do you have a truly loving relationship that can stand the test of time and are you ready to stop comparing and start living in your own relationship?
