The other day, a friend of mine was telling me about a girl
he was interested who seemed to not pay him much attention. They went on a
couple of dates, but she canceled on the fourth date. By the way, my friend is
a good person, successful, and handsome—everything going in the dating
department!
After he explains the story, he starts telling me “You know maybe
I should have approached her like this. Or maybe I should have said this.” I
stopped him right there. I do not allow any “shoulda, woulda, coulda” in my
world. As his anxiety was hitting the roof, I told him “Your approach is your
approach. If you had taken any other approach it would not have been genuine.
And you can’t start any good relationship without genuine attentions.”
So many times after we have a meeting, go on a date, go for
an interview, we spent the following days overanalyzing what he said and what
we didn’t say. You can’t live your lives like that. You’ll just get sick. You
must believe that things will take their course. The same way they’ve been
taking their course for the entirety of your life.
Your actions are your own. As long as they come from a pure
and genuine place, there is no reason to doubt that they were the right actions
to take. And if they didn’t come from a genuine place, those actions are now in
the past. And the only reason we think of the past is to learn from it. Not to
live in it. So instead of driving yourself crazy with “shoulda, woulda, coulda”
thoughts, learn from the situation and try better the next time. And if those
thoughts continue to creep into your mind, check your mind chatter and simply
ask it to leave.
Believe in yourself and others will follow.
xoxo,
Loren
