It’s so sad. Each year you can see untold millions of men scrambling at the last minute to do something romantic – a bouquet of obligatory roses, a box of heart shaped chocolates or reservations at one of the popular, but invariably, hectic local restaurants.
“It’s like the lemmings jumping off the cliff into the sea,” says New York Times bestselling author and world-renowned performance expert Tom Connellan.
His new book, The 1% Solution for Work and Life, explains why the exact same skills and actions that create Olympic gold medal winners are what create exceptional relationships, the most memorable experiences, and the ecstasy that can only be found in love.
Achieving happiness in a personal relationship means you have to learn to treat the people you love better every single day – not just once a year.“The real key,” he says, “is improving what you do as a caring partner each and every day.”
Sure, delicious mouth-watering, aphrodisiac-laden presents are nice and are appreciated once in a while, but what really matters most is being the best partner you can possibly be on a daily basis.
Connellan says it’s not hard for people to identify ways they can make small improvements in their relationships with the people they love. The hard part is simply remembering and staying devoted to doing the things that matter.
Here are some ideas, which illustrate what you can do:
• Ask your partner. If you want to really hit the mark, ask. Simply say, “What can I do today to help you, at least once a day.
• Pick one thing that your partner wants you to change and stick with that change for 30 days. It might be something as simple as asking her how her day went, appreciating things she does, acknowledging her for who she is, listening more, putting the toilet seat down, considering the
possibility that maybe she also knows how to use the remote, or to stop picking your nose – at least when she’s in the room.
• Take the first step right away. Whatever it is, start it immediately. Don’t forget. There’s no way, for example, you can suddenly become organized, clean and tidy overnight. But you can commit to cleaning up one tiny little area of the house every day. In 30 days you can see the difference and in 90 days you’ve cleaned up the whole house for the first time in years.
• Apologize more often. This is tough. Say the following words at least once a day “I’m sorry. You are right. I was wrong.” Then when it’s time to say them to her, you’ll be ready.
• Change just a little every day. Stop when you find yourself doing some negative behavior, expressing too much intense emotion, poor facial expression, or expressing your opinion in a loud or angry voice. Say out loud, “Darn, I did not mean to take out my frustration on you. I’m working hard too change that but I’m not there yet but I’ll get there. That’s my promise to you”
• Show more consideration. Use the magic words “How can I help you?”. If you’re asked to do something, smile, say “Yes dear” or “I’m on it”, and then do it.
• Be more helpful today than you were yesterday. From now on, if you see something that needs doing, jump on it and say out loud, “It’s okay. I got it.”
• Accept help and advice when it’s offered. Practice saying, “OK, let’s stop and ask for direction on how to get where we are going.”
• Get out of the way and give her space. Say, “Oh OK, will it help if I leave you alone right now?”
• Be more open and listen more carefully. Even ask for an opinion. Say, “Will you look at this please? I’m interested in what you have to say.” Then keep your mouth shut for at least ten minutes.
• Use More Compliments. Say “You are wonderful. You are really good at this and I don’t know what I would do without you.” Then when she asks “What’s up?”, simply say, “I know I haven’t been as good at this as I should be in the past and I’m just working to get better at it because you’re
important to me and I love you.
• Express more appreciation for who she is. Say out loud, “Thank you. Really! You are amazing. You are understanding, kind, and compassionate.”
• Acknowledge your shortcomings openly and with good humor. Say, “You are the primary source of my inspiration. I am the primary source of your perspiration.”
• Entice more often. Say, “I’ve planned a wild night, a fantastic meal, I’ve got a bottle of wine, superb dessert, music, and oh yeah, I hope you have a good time, too.”
Realize that when you make a change – however small – you are making an improvement. You may feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. But at about the 21st day, that feeling goes away and that’s when your new good habit gets locked in.
The 1% Solution for Work and Life is chock full of simple, easy to understand tools and techniques that teach you how to make a difference work life and personal life.
When you adopt this approach every day, the difference can be very significant because when love dies, it’s seldom about the elephant bites, it’s almost always about the mosquito bites – the little everyday things.
Tom Connellan is a New York Times Bestselling author and is highly sought after keynote speaker whose North American clients include FedEx, Canadian Tire, Marriott, Neiman Marcus, Dell, Sony, Rogers Communications, Sobeys, TD Canada Trust, Tim Hortons, Home Depot and the military. Selling Power Magazine labeled him one of seven “tough talking and truth telling” keynote speakers because he always delivers actionable ideas.
He is the author of several bestselling books. Inside the Magic Kingdom is a Wall Street Journal Bestseller. Bringing out the Best in Others! is a New York Times Bestseller.
