If you were there with me at MAWC recently, I hope you were able to listen to my talk on how to “Build Your Life.” Because I feel that a huge part of attaining the life you aim for is actually designing that life deliberately, including making changes and eliminating the things that are roadblocks in your life – like toxic people.
If you’ve ever felt like you may have people in your circle of “friends” who are bringing you down rather than celebrating your successes with you and helping you continue to achieve, you’re probably right. Your intuition is probably spot on if you feel that you’re surrounded by the wrong kind of “friends.” These people bring nothing but negative vibes and don’t know how to support their peers because they are unhappy and insecure themselves. Don’t let them bring you down.
Your friends and family should be positive additions to your life, helping to lift you up when you need a bit of extra encouragement and there to celebrate with you when things are going well. But sometimes we find ourselves dealing with toxic people and negative chatter that just doesn’t feel so good – or right. So how do you know if someone is toxic and how do you take steps to removing that energy from your life? Here are a few tips for bringing positivity front and center and eliminating toxic energy.
Recognizing Toxic People In Your Life
Recognize the difference between someone who is actually toxic and someone who may just be sort of frustrating. You’re going to have those friends and family members who just frustrate you with complaining and general negativity, but toxic people actually have the ability to make you feel pretty miserable and truly drag you down.
When you feel like you’re being lied to, repeatedly. When the truth isn’t the prevailing quality of a relationship, that person is often toxic – they rarely take responsibility for their actions and lying is their go-to. A solid relationship is built on trust and honesty and when you don’t have that, you don’t have much to build upon.
When there’s absolutely zero regard for the boundaries you have set. When you have someone consistently stepping over that line – interfering in your private business – like your personal finances, for example – that’s crossing a boundary. A friend knows and understands where that line is – and it’s not one they cross because they understand and respect boundaries and want the same respect in return.
When someone takes, takes and takes and never contributes. Toxic people figure out exactly who they can take from without ever contributing in return. Successful and happy relationships thrive on a give and take – from emotional support to help when needed – sometimes you’re the giver and sometimes you’re the receiver and that equals a solid relationship. When you’re constantly giving with nothing in return, the relationship quickly becomes toxic.
Toxic people are manipulative and controlling. Watch out for this because it can feel like a trap that’s pretty tough to escape. When someone isn’t feeling great or in control of their own life, controlling and manipulating someone else’s life is often what makes them feel better. For the recipient – it’s toxic and not OK.
When that person is always the victim. That’s a tough one because often, that person is so manipulative that you have a tough time getting out of the situation where he or she is always the victim. They turn the tables back to you and you’re left trying to pick up the emotional pieces and make heads or tails of what actually happened. When they’re always right and you’re always wrong – there’s definitely a problem.
Do you have a toxic person in your life who is constantly dragging you down rather than lifting you up to be the best version of yourself? How have you dealt with the situation?
