Guest Blogger: Love Coach Kavita J. Patel | www.kavitajpatel.com
Love doesn’t just come in the form of a man. It is so so much bigger than that.
Here’s what I mean. I was on the swing in my backyard at my parent’s home. The porch is surrounded by trees and birds. It is actually a pretty magical backyard. And many times, my mom or dad and me will sit and talk about life, laugh, cry, or just unwind.
My mom and I were swinging away on the porch, and we started to talk about how people look for appreciation and approval from others to make them feel validated and worthy. Sometimes, this is what the man we love who loves us back stands for. When we find that man, we can feel like we are now lovable. He becomes the symbol of that lovableness inside us.
My mom said, “Well, it is important to surround yourself with people that can do that for you, and appreciate you as you are.” She feels that through understanding others, you are identifying their divinity. And that is her way to not only help others feel good, but for her to feel validated.
I understood what she was saying and she is right. However, in the back of my head I was thinking about how when people give and understand others too much, there is a way they become resentful when the favor isn’t returned or when they aren’t understood. There is a bitterness that can occur without even recognizing it sometimes. We can say, “Well, don’t give to and understand others unless you are totally unattached to them returning the favor.” But is this the norm?
“So,” I said to my mom, because it hit me in that moment, “the way to really have the capacity to give, be compassionate, and understand people, without it taking away from you is to see that you are divine first. When we honor ourselves in that way first, then we can actually give and understand and love way more, and not expect it back.”
This helps us to not need that outside validation from others so much. And when we recognize the divine in ourselves first, it’s also easier to recognize it in others as well.
So much of the time, we do not honor the divine inside ourselves. We beat ourselves up nonstop and constantly look for what we might be doing wrong. On dates, we get self-conscious about doing everything perfectly and it stops us from being who we really are. We constantly hear and believe this voice in our heads that beats us up, so then we look outside ourselves for someone else to make us feel like we’re lovable.
The way to counteract this – and to reconnect to your divinity – is through giving yourself credit for all the things you are doing right. Most of the time, we ignore and overlook all the wonderful things we do for ourselves and for others. So let’s counteract this right now.
Your Lovework is:
Write down 10 things you give yourself credit for. This is a way for you to honor the divine inside you, so you have more to give and experience with the people around you and in love.
Then I want you to share 3 of these things with me below!
